By Tamara Fyke
As an educator and parent invested in children’s well-being, I recognize the ongoing tension between screen time and real-life experiences. Like many families, our household has specific rules around device use. Yet I continually explore how technology intersects with social emotional learning (SEL)—and I deliberately separate SEL from the broader term EdTech.
My daughter spends hours watching streaming shows and creating short videos, while my two sons lean into multiplayer gaming. Watching them play has offered countless opportunities to observe how gaming can reinforce SEL skills in authentic, repeated practice.
During graduate study at Vanderbilt University I focused on digital learning, particularly how games support learning. Influenced by thinkers such as James Gee and Jane McGonigal, I asked: What makes a good game? Which life skills are cultivated in game environments? How do these virtual experiences connect to everyday life?
Games are part of daily life for all of us—think of loyalty programs, reward points, or frequent flyer miles. These systems shape behavior by creating incentives, and they demonstrate how simple game mechanics motivate decisions. Children naturally gravitate toward play for the same reasons: games provide motivation, structure, and a context for learning.
Games invite players to lower their guard and experiment with possibility. In the same spirit as Willy Wonka’s fantastical factory—where children make choices and face consequences—well-designed games function as constructivist learning environments. They combine scripted elements (settings, goals, rules) with open spaces for player choice. Players navigate options based on their awareness of what the game environment affords, essentially co-creating the experience with the designer.
Today’s children must interpret multimodal texts—combinations of words, images, and sound. Doing so requires higher-order thinking: understanding, applying, analyzing, evaluating, and creating, as described in the revised Bloom’s Taxonomy. Video games provide a safe space to exercise these cognitive processes repeatedly and meaningfully.
In Mind in the Making, Ellen Galinsky identifies seven essential life skills for the 21st century that align closely with CASEL’s five SEL competencies. The relationships are useful when we consider how gaming supports development:
| Galinsky | CASEL |
| Focus and self-control | Self-Management |
| Perspective taking | Social Awareness |
| Communicating | Self-Management; Relationship Skills; Social Awareness |
| Making connections | Responsible Decision-Making |
| Critical thinking | Self-Awareness; Social Awareness; Responsible Decision-Making |
| Taking on challenges | Self-Awareness; Self-Management |
| Self-directed, engaged learning | Self-Awareness; Self-Management; Responsible Decision-Making |
Watching my sons coordinate with teammates, plan strategies, and persevere through setbacks, I see many of these skills in action: focus, perspective taking, communication, critical thinking, and the willingness to take on challenges. In multiplayer settings, they collaborate to solve problems and meet objectives—social behaviors that translate to cooperative work in other contexts.
Games offer a microcosm of the real world where the freedom to fail is integral. Failure in play—falling off a skateboard, losing a board game, or getting outmaneuvered online—becomes a low-risk opportunity to learn. That freedom to experiment encourages creative approaches: building a fort from chairs and blankets, trying a new tactic in a mission, or role-playing different identities. The ebb and flow of effort in play—intense focus followed by rest—teaches self-regulation. Each player’s unique interpretation makes the experience personally meaningful and reinforces learning by doing.
As Raph Koster has noted, fun is rooted in learning in contexts where pressure is low; games matter because they naturally create those contexts. When children engage with games, they often practice problem-solving, adapt strategies, and refine social interaction—skills that are central to SEL.
Adults play a crucial role in connecting in-game learning to life outside the screen. Intentional conversations help children recognize and name the skills they use while playing. Pointing out examples—how collaborative communication led to victory, how persistence improved performance, or how perspective taking helped the team—makes abstract skills concrete. Framing those moments in terms of schoolwork, family interactions, or friendships helps children transfer their competencies from virtual contexts to everyday life.
About the Author
Tamara Fyke is an educator and creative entrepreneur focused on children, families, and urban communities. She is the creator and brand manager of Love In A Big World, an SEL curriculum for grades K–8 that combines research-based strategies with practical resources to help students become socially competent, emotionally healthy problem-solvers. Tamara edited Building People: Social & Emotional Learning for Kids, Schools & Communities, a collection of perspectives on SEL for educators, parents, and leaders, and she remains active in promoting SEL practices that connect classroom learning with real-life skills.
This article was originally published by The Learning Counsel, a research institute and news media organization that provides context around the shift to digital curriculum in education.