By Tamara Fyke
Last week I led a professional development session for new teachers at a school where I’ve worked for several years. The Executive Principal and Assistant Principal joined the training, and our small group gathered around an oval table created space for close, honest conversation. I introduced a transformative approach to social-emotional learning (SEL), which naturally led to questions and reflections about trauma, resilience, and the role of relationships in education.
A theme that kept resurfacing throughout the morning was the power of story. How does owning our personal stories change the way we teach? How does knowing our students’ stories deepen relationships and improve learning? How do we carve out time and safety to listen to one another in meaningful ways? These questions guided our discussion and helped us connect SEL principles to everyday school life.
As the Assistant Principal—who began as a classroom teacher 14 years ago—and the Executive Principal—who has led this building for six years—laughed and shared memories, I realized the underlying reason for their success. Yes, the school posts some of the highest scores in the district, but the leaders measure success differently: by the strength of relationships among teachers, students, and families. Their secret is vulnerability.
Vulnerability, as researcher and author Brené Brown explains, “sounds like truth and feels like courage.” Exposing real struggles, admitting mistakes, and telling honest stories are not signs of weakness; they invite trust and connection. In schools, where adults are often judged by performance metrics and polished appearances, making space for vulnerability can feel risky—but it is precisely what builds resilience and community.
Too often, school cultures prioritize results over people. Polite exchanges and surface-level niceties can mask a lack of real connection. Genuine concern for a colleague’s wellbeing—knowing which teachers are stretched thin, which families need support, which students are struggling—requires intentional relationship-building. Especially now, with ongoing challenges that include staffing shortages and the lingering effects of the pandemic, educational leaders must be deliberate about communicating value to their staff. Building relationships one person at a time is one of the most effective ways to do that.
Some leaders worry that sharing personal stories or showing vulnerability will undermine their authority. In a social-media-driven world, we often edit ourselves to present the best image, and leaders may feel pressured to remain emotionally distant. But authenticity fosters trust. When staff members see that their leaders are real—capable of struggle, open about priorities, and committed to the team—they are more likely to engage, collaborate, and stay.
When we know we are “in this together”—that colleagues have one another’s backs—we become better equipped to handle the most demanding days. Building that level of trust doesn’t happen overnight. It requires time, consistent conversation, shared experiences, and opportunities for both listening and laughter. Life-giving relationships cannot be replaced by individual self-care alone. The message of connection is simple and powerful: “I see you. I know you. I’m with you in this.”
Practical tips to reduce teacher stress, prevent burnout, and boost wellbeing and job satisfaction
- Monthly off-site dinners. Gather outside the school—at a teacher’s home or a neighborhood restaurant—and focus on being together rather than on tasks. These dinners allow staff to connect in a relaxed setting without the pressure of the school day.
- Bi-weekly story sessions. Create a safe, comfortable space on campus where teachers and staff can choose to share personal stories or listen. Storytelling builds empathy, strengthens relationships, and helps staff remember the human reasons they entered education.
- Quarterly social activities. Plan fun outings—bowling, dancing, swimming, canoeing, or simple games—so colleagues can laugh and play together. Shared joy and play support team cohesion and reduce stress.
Investing in one another creates a durable source of strength that outlasts single-session professional development or individual wellness routines. Strong adult relationships have a direct positive effect on students and families: they help create a school environment where everyone feels seen, known, valued, and supported.
About the author
Tamara Fyke is an educator and social entrepreneur focused on children, families, and urban communities. She is the creator and author of Love In A Big World, which provides mental health, SEL, and wellness curriculum and resources. During quarantine Tamara developed MusiCity Kids, an online educational program for children ages 6–12 that addresses health, movement, character development, STEAM, and more.
This article was originally published by The Learning Counsel, a research institute and news media hub focused on the shift in education toward digital curriculum.